My reflections of the course, has been more like a revision of my person. Each week there was a different feeling towards what we were looking at. Each week I would get excited and frustrated at the same time. The last week has been hard but not due to it just being deadline week. To put it simply, I've had such a horrible week. What could go wrong did and to make it more exhausting is that I've never felt so tired this year. Sick and tired. Emotionally tired. Bloody tired.

I didn't want to write one of my final blog posts with all this negative energy because I do believe that it shows through. A slow crippling of my mood has been taken place for some weeks now but never like this. And I have come to such a profound conclusion of why this might be...

...Its life. Its reality and its ongoing. There is a reason why we are supposed to work in groups. And it’s not just to give less work for the tutor. Life is about group work, you will always have to, work, live, love and if you want to learn from the people that surround you. I consistently hear "I hate group work" and immediately translate it as "Im fearful of group work". I honestly do believe that insecurity and fear is what makes people dislike working as a team. If you can't work with students that you have known for three years what is the probability that you will become a good team player when you get into your 'industry'.

We are not at school, and we can now apply for more than work experience vacancies. And we will probably compromise ourselves in the early stages when we get to work but somehow find it difficult to compromise when we are in a team in education. Its similar to the framework of relationships, its fine until something goes wrong and for a while there is a slight pause to the progress of the relationship. For it to continue both parties have to work together maybe not equally but together for a common goal if they are to develop. One cannot take all the responsibility its wrong, there will be too much pressure and for me the power politics that come with that angers me.

What fascinates me is the idea that degree students in their final year at times fail to realise that unless 'daddy' is going to give you a job (and if so ask him if he has one for me) you will have to work in a group, sometimes with like minded people sometimes not. What I’ve come to realise is that everybody wants to do well, we all want to achieve but some want to act like it is the last thing on their mind, acting nonchalant as if it was cool. And putting a some what 'passive pressure' on those who are enthusiastic about wanting to reach their full potential.

My primary experiences with my peers were awful. But slowly became easier when I became aware of peoples personalities as the degree developed. So I made sure that the last group I was in was with the people that I could talk to and debate with. I think I made a good choice. To type or not to type the details? -that is the question. One thing that really hit home to me is the feeling of not letting your group down that can put some pressure on an individual by the individuals themselves.

The course I felt was basically at the wrong time but that didn't stop it from being a very engaging process, reflecting on how recent technological developments can have such an effect on humans. From agreeing with some of the negative reviews of the Internet just due to my sheer ignorance of the web. I feel now as if to defend it. In our group wiki we explored how the online communities specifically Myspace and Facebook owners had a great deal of power with the information they gain from these sites.

But I now stand somewhere in the middle of these debates. Feeling frustrated that on one side I hear about the liberation of what the Internet can provide and on the other angle how it’s a killer of modern culture. I might start up a blog, one at my own pace and guidelines. I do feel like I could of given this course more but (I cant explain how nervous it can get posting something up) but then I would of had to give something else less. It’s all about priorities. Bell Dubois shall remain in the blogosphere thanks to Nigel; he has truly been a good ambassador and tried his best to encourage us to critically engage with the subject.

"Web Neutrality"

It has begun.

Customers who use Comcast, an Internet service provider have complained that Comcast are blocking some of the content online,even stopping users from accessing the Internet at times. Comcast deny the allegations and claim that they are just keeping the traffic of their users at a measurable rate to avoid 'congestion' on the system.

Could this be true? It probably is and i'm sure that the web has Big Brother tendencies but to actually stop users viewing certain pages by shutting down their Internet makes me very nervous.

Wizards Group Progress

This is the best group I've ever been in.

This is a lie.

What is true, is that the Wizards (our group name) individually are creative, emotionally rich, young people that are very smart but through being in this group I have once again had to reflect on my 'ways' and how I come across. They have picked up on my passive frustration towards our progress and my need for structure in group work.

We have known each other for three years, four haircuts, numerous essays and several disagreements. We roughly 'get each other', but unintentionally I feel like an outsider. They are from Europe and all speak German. Frequently. And I do not.

But what I do have is some left over patience, (which I took from my Noble Prize aspirations.) and I also found an online German dictionary.

So if I cant beat them,I might join them.

Unsere Gruppe wird ein gutes Endprodukt haben, das nicht die Ausgabe ist, bin ich mehr mit dem Verfahren angegangen ankamen von dort. Es scheint zu mir jetzt, dass wir alle unsere eigenen Beiträge haben, die helfen werden, unser Gruppenprojekt in einen wiki-d wiki zu entwickeln. Wir haben alle Informationen über unsere Forschungsgebiete kompiliert, damit ich ziemlich glücklich mit der Gruppe im Augenblick bin. Gehen Sie Zauberer.

Get out my Face.

According to recent figures recorded by Internet media and market researchers Nielson/ Net Ratings, Facebook has seen a decline in the number of members. I doubt this has anything to do with its popularity as it is still one of the most used social sites in the Uk. But why are we all fleeing? A friend of mine canceled his profile as he was continuosly tagged in questionable situations with females that were not his wife.But I doubt that the drop in Facebook users is due to fear of exposure. I would argue that there are other mini social sites that audiences might prefer, without the same hype that surround Facebook.

To read more on Facebooks dip.

I am

I am the child of the diaspora.
I am a child of the diaspora.
I am a child.
I am sometimes just a child, and I use communities to parent me and help me grow. I choose and I am chosen by communities, by circles of people, sometimes even squares and pyramid systems ask me to join them.

I am many things but there are two key characteristics that have shaped my voice. I am African. I am a Woman. I am many things but when I feel contested,confronted, confused or when my integrity is threatened, these two facts become predominant in my heart. I would love to say my mind but it seems that my heart has been more faithfull to me. I am African. I am a Woman.

I am Bell Dubois a constructed pyseudonym, hybridized by two intellectuals. Arguably an existential forgery taken from Mr W.E.B Dubois the writer of the 'Souls of Black Folk' and Bell Hooks the uncomprimising, engaging feminist critic. There was a time where I felt that others used my gender and my ethnicity to define my boundaries. These two writers helped put many of my thoughts and anxities in perspective. I have taken advantage of the postmodern culture but refuse for it to be a simulcrum.

I am continuosly inspired by both of these people, and find them infectiously engaging at times overwhelming that I burrow their eessence through their name and I am not on their same level of critical engagement. Compared to them I am a child.
I am the Child of the Diaspora.

Who Am I Online?

Nigel asked the group to google our names and report back on our findings.
Nothing that I found concerning 'my name'online has surprised me or intrigued me.

Some students in the class found their names being associated with terrorism, high profile jobs, novelists, oil company owners. It was fascinated to see their reactions. But I would worry if I found myself, found my online trail as it would feel uncomfortable to me. My attitude towards this is very hypocritical as I google names all the time to see what I can find out about them.

Valentines Day.

Yesterday was Valentines day and it seemed to me that I was the only one in the mood for love. I sent messages to those who I initially thought of as soon as I woke up. I bought tulips for my peers. And greeted nearly everyone who I had eye contact with, with a "Happy Valentines Day." My response was rather strange.

They all looked at me as if I was speaking another language. I love, Love, no matter how hard the hate tries to consume me, I will (after getting very vex) get up and start loving again. Sounds cheesy but I swear it feeds me.

A friend of mine went on a first date with someone she met/clicked on through an online dating site. And even though I'm not brave enough to go through it myself (I like my strangers to approach me face to face) I was very happy for her when she rang me with a good news report on him.

Can you find love online? Or to be more accurate can you fall in love with someone you met online? Off-course you can, this stigma against online dating is growing very tired with me. Look at the perks- you get to see his profile and information before you have that awkward first meeting.

Another friend of mine was poked on Facebook and then friend requested by this handsome man so naturally when this new "friend" wanted to go for a drink my friend jumped at the chance. This did not go as well as friend number one.

When he went to meet him, he could not even recognise him as the person standing in front of him held no resembalence to the friend on Facebook. It was as if he digitally enhanced his profile pictures as it felt like two different people. Oh well.

I've been writing, rhyming, drawing on the subject of love from a very young age. I probably wasn't aware that love was the main theme back then. But now looking at my collection of tea stained, crayon filled, scribblings, I have come to the conclusion that Love was the overriding theme.

From my Oliver Twist phase when I used to pick a crayon or two from my friends pencil case,because they made my word's smell like heaven ( actually strawberry and pineapple) or when I was so obsessed with Alan Shearer, I drew pictures of him in a notebook secretly because I supported Liverpool at the time.

Now I'm older Love has become more complex. Writing has helped me evaluate the complexities of it. So I dug some of my love...

You are the very meaning why I giggle at the back of the bus
Staring at the other black couples wondering if their anything like us
You are the end result of my wishes on those shining stars
The reason why that guy can’t buy me a drink when I’m sitting at the bar
You’re the sign the Lord sent
To restore my faith in men
You are why I forget my past pain
Cause this is now, that was then
You are my Prince in shining armor
Tall, dark and handsome
My strapping, young lad
You’re my boyfriend ***** ****
And I just wanted to tell you that I am so glad


Fancy You
I fancy the pants off of you
But you probably have no clue
I would give you my last rolo
(that is just one of the things that I would do)
I will give up fish and chips for a week
Stay away from those Woolworth sweets
Say no to the guy from The Streets
(Well if he asked me out)
I swear I fancy the pants off of you
I have for a while now
Even when you was with that Shirley, that dozy cow
I see you down the park on Sundays
Playing with your mates than straight to the pub-the one opposite Yates
I FANCY the pants off of you
But you never seem to look at me
I thought it was because I was a brunette
But it could be that I’m only 15

Fish and Chips.
Fish and chips, Doritoes and dip
Pancakes flipped, Apricots with no pips
American egg and grits, oatmeal with no bits
Eating is a waste when I can’t find your taste
Rice and Peas, Shortcake and tea
Salad with cabbage leaves, Salt fish and ackee
Sausage, bacon and beans
Eating is a waste when I can’t your taste
Without you I’m heartbroken and threatened with Anorexia
I still taste you
but I
I
I want
I want the rest of you



Safest Place.
They sat there waiting for you to stop
They sat there watching you hurt me
They hid so you wouldn’t see them
Hid so you wouldn’t see the pain
Hid behind my lashes but when you left- it rained
Dwelling in the corner of the room
While they poured down my face
They stayed in the corner of my eyes
I sat there like a casket dieing in the corner

Because that was the safest place.



As I'm opening up I want to share a secret. I have found love online. As a child I adored Rahl Dahl, Micheal Rosen, William Shakespeare, John Betjeman and so many others the net has introduced me to more contemporary poets. Like Rives.

Rives - "If I Ran The Internet" (TED)